Trainsmoking

To the college kids smoking pot in the stairwell of the Metra station ... thanks. I really appreciated taking a nice deep breath of your second hand drug the other evening when I was catching my train.

Uncomfortable on the Train

Last night on the way home from work, I unintentionally sat next to a very pregnant woman on the train. When I looked over and saw her protruding belly, my heart sank. Are pregnant people coming out of the woodwork on purpose to taunt me? As I was trying to concentrate on my book, she kept rubbing her belly.

I realized then and there that I could go on hating all people who are fertile, or I can (as Matt and I have discussed) paint a different picture. Maybe that person is pregnant after years of trying, after many miscarriages, after medical assistance. I have no idea what their story is, and maybe it's one of hope.

So as I watched her rub her belly because she had no where else to put her arm, shift her weight forwards and back trying to get in a comfortable position, legs looking somewhat swollen, I wasn't too sure if I was envious of her.

Train Jerk

When you take public transportation, you live by a set of unspoken rules. And sometimes these rules are spoken and written down, but people try and pretend like they're not real rules.

For example, an unwritten rule is that everyone is quiet on the way home. I had some friends get spooked out by this eery silence. The fact is, most people zone out, read, sleep, listen to music. For 30+ minutes, you can just chill out before you get home. The written rules are less eery: don't talk loud on your cellphone, don't block the doors, don't leave your humongous rolling suitcase in the aisle. Blah Blah.

One rule people try to forget is that on a crowded rush hour train, you will be sitting next to someone. In only the rarest cases will someone not notice the empty seat next to you. This leads me to another Metra Tails train story courtesy of Matt.

Recently on his commute home, he made one of the rush hour trains with just under a minute to spare. As he was running alongside the train he spotted an empty seat on an otherwise full train car. He boards the train and heads for that seat. The current occupier looks up and says, "No way." And then proceeds to ignore Matt while talking on the phone. Now Matt could've taken this opportunity to be an equal jerk and shove the guy's bag over and squeeze himself down, but he didn't. He just stood there and stared at the guy, who said again that he wouldn't let Matt sit there. When Matt said, "If you have two tickets you can have these two seats," the guy just answered back, "Oh you just didn't say that." More standing and staring.

Finally the guy lets Matt sit there and he tells his friend on the phone about the "jerk" he has to sit next to and how he's going to talk loud on his cellphone (another rule no-no) the entire ride just to annoy him.

But he didn't talk the entire time, because the slug fell asleep. And Matt made sure to get his million dollar shot before he got off.

Sweet revenge.

Metra tales: Stuck on the train

Thursday I left work and took the 3:00 p.m. train -- I had a headache and hadn't eaten lunch except for about 4 pepto-bismal pills, so I just needed to get home and relax. I practically leapt on to the train with glee and started devouring my new good book (Behind the Scenes at the Museum), but that joy was short lived because 10 minutes into our trip, the train stopped: mechanical failure.

After 40 minutes of waiting, I sat talking to Matt who just "loves" talking to me when I am in a bad mood, but couldn't find a way out of the conversation. In a huff I told him that the train conductor said that the "next train would be pushing us into the station so hopefully I wouldn't have to wait much longer." Just as soon as the words left my lips, the high pitch sound of a train horn and the howling of wheels against metal told me that the next train decided to go around us at 80 mph instead. "Oh my god, that f&#^ing train just went past us..."

"I'll let you go," Matt finally found his out.

So we sat ... and sat ... One and a half hours later, they finally sent a mechanic to help us out. He got the engine started enough just to get us to the next stop where we all had to get off and stand and wait for next train to appear in the piss pouring rain... and we waited and waited.

After the wind had blown the rain to successfully drench my entire backside, jeans, and jacket, the next train emerged from the rain like a beacon from heaven. I never saw so many happy wet people waiting for a train. At this rate, I was going to make the 5:09 p.m. train home -- I haven't gotten the hint yet that when it rains, it pours. Literally. This train stopped about 5 times in the 1 mile in takes to get downtown. Happy people becam mad again and for the first time no one cared if they heard a F$&K come out of anyone's mouth.

I finally made it downtown to catch the 5:42 p.m. train home, which was 10 minutes late. When I got off the train at my stop, I realized that my coat and pants had never dried from waiting outside. You know that uncomfortable feeling of walking in wet clothes ... it's disgusting. But it didn't mater because there was a rain storm outside that made sure all the dry parts of me were now wet too... and I sloshed home in the rain, my sockless feet wet and cold. It made me think of the time when M & I walked down the mountain in the rain**

**Click here for that story.

I walked in the door at 6:45 p.m. To-date, my longest trip home from work (3h 45minutes).