A milestone

I've officially made it into the 8th week of pregnancy. I still have morning sickness on a daily basis, and I've thrown up 3 more times since "my first puke." (Real pukes, not toothbrush-induced ones).

This is a milestone for us because my last 2 pregnancies ended a day before my 8th week. And this was the first time we actually got to read "week 8" in our pregnancy book.

Christmas Brunch 2009

Annual Christmas Brunch at the Grand Geneva Resort, Lake Geneva, WI.



2008 Brunch picture

My grandma tipped the waitress at the beginning and the champagne just kept on flowing, so at the end we had a couple of inebriated family members! But brunch was great this year, I felt good enough to eat (I had a taste for a big salad with ranch dressing), and because we had a late brunch time we got to linger over our meal. Unfortunately I threw up my brunch later that night.

Upstairs Bathroom Before & After

Here's a final picture of the before and after of the upstairs bathroom "Botox" job -- i.e. not a full on facelift, but just needed some sprucing.

We re-painted, new tile floor, new solid surface counter & sink & fixtures, painted the existing cabinet, new toilet ...

Before (from previous owners)

After

Lights, ornaments, star ... cat

This is Guinness in the Christmas Tree.

Earlier this week, I saw him run with glee and leap into the tree and lay on one of the fake tree branches (3 branches up, not one of the lower ones).

How the tree didn't topple over is a Christmas miracle!

7w ultrasound, great 1st appointment

Our 1st appointment went great this morning!!

Matt couldn't sleep all night; funny, I never have that problem. My only concern was the blood test because I knew they would take a few vials (more than my quick HcG test). I read somewhere that you can decline any of these tests. Sure. Try it. They might as well have a sign that says, "You're getting the tests. Now shut up you big baby." In actuality it wasn't bad at all (it was so much worse in my imagination).

Anyway, after getting all of my history and testing me for STDs I sure hope I don't have, I got my ultrasound and Caligula was right there measuring on target with a fluttering heartbeat. We just sat there watching the screen, breathing deeply. Everyone probably thinks we're the most sedate couple ever (like Mike Vol.taggio when he won Top C.hef, "I'm feeling every emotion there is," says the stone face winner), but we've had so much loss, we don't know what to do with ourselves.So I'll go back in 2 weeks for another u/s (a peace of mind exam) and then another appointment at 11w.

My first puke

This morning after I flung my progesterone wrapper, hoping it would land on the nightstand, Matt told me, "You have to throw those away. Guinness is playing with them, he's gonna grow boo.bs."

This has been a long week. Tomorrow morning is my official new OB appointment where I learn everything about the practice, costs, hospital, get another u/s, physical, and if I let them, more blood tests. My spotting has finally tapered off, so that has been another thing on my mind. But the main reason for the long week is this $#@& morning sickness.

I can't find any relief and I told Matt last night that I could just scream from the frustration of it all. He told me that I hide my frustration well (that was after he told me that I was the happiest person he knows -- which was after I said that I think I suffer from depression.)

I'm sick pretty much all day - maybe a few times of relief, few and fleeting moments they are. I told Matt that if I didn't know I was pregnant, I'd be at the gastro-interologist screaming, "Something is wrong with me, help!"

Meals are the worst time because I'm used to cooking and dictating what we eat, but I have no appetite. The thought of food makes me sick. One night for dinner we went to the store to see what would look appetizing to me ... the winner was Chef Boyardee ravioli in a can. Apparently I'm craving toxins. Matt said NO, and we settled on Buitini ravioli with pasta sauce. I was still happy.

The next night I needed a sausage McMuffin with egg, except they don't make them at night. So Matt went the next morning and needed to ask where a McD's was (I can't even remember the last time I was in a McD).

My mom told me, "Oh no, this baby's a junk food eater." Great.

So this morning I woke up sick as usual trying to nibble on crackers in bed which didn't help. We decided to get out of house a while (fresh air) and as I was brushing my teeth (surprise) the retching set in and I spent 5 minutes over the toilet before I barfed twice. Mini was at the door standing guard as Matt listened outside with a smile on his face.

My first official puke @6w6d.

Morning sickness

The other times, I have gotten pregnant I would pray for morning sickness. I heard that the presence of morning sickness (while not all women get it) is a good sign of a progressing pregnancy. When I wouldn’t get it everyone would say, “Maybe you just won’t have it?” I answered, “No, I’m not that lucky.”

Well, I have it.

The part of me that can function clearly is happy; the part of me that wants to bend over a toilet and dry heave is not.

I’m not puking, just as nauseous as a passenger on Captain Ahab’s boat. I feel like puking would relieve me and for that reason, my body’s not complying. Instead I belch like a frat boy and I’m scaring Matt away (or making him proud, I can’t tell sometimes). I’ve tried gagging on my toothbrush – which isn’t hard to do since brushing my teeth in general these past couple days have induced me to gag, sending Matt running down the stairs, “Are you okay, what was that noise?”

It’s now 11:30 a.m. (this was Tuesday) I’m sitting at my desk about to fall over from fatigue, shivering from cold, and sick to my stomach. I'm still spotting but it's this m/s that's keeping me thinking things are still okay.

Love is...

... a husband who folds your underwear.

We have a heartbeat @ 6 weeks!

You're prayers and thoughts worked! I'm still in shock! Here's the story:

So I went to the office this morning at 8 a.m. -- while they can put me on hold on the phone, they can't ignore a crazy lady standing in front of them. Turns out the doctor I called over the weekend was in a different location, but once they gave him my info he said for me to come at 9:20 a.m. Yes!

In the ultrasound room with the nurse, I started to bawl. I just couldn't take this anymore and resolved and told Matt that if this doesn't work, I'm done. I cannot physically and emotionally go through this again. I've never cried at the doctor's, I always reserve that for when I'm alone. I get that stoicism from my dad.

So the doctor came in, he was going to do the ultrasound. When the tech does it, she doesn't let you see anything until she knows it's good news; however, the doctor made Matt move to the other side of the room so he could see and turned the monitor towards us.

"Well, you're pregnant," he said. Duh, I'm thinking to myself. Then he goes, "And there's the heart beating." If I wasn't already lying down, I would have fallen down. Matt squeezed my arm as we saw this fluttering movement on the screen. The gestational sac, the yolk sac, and the fetal pole were all visible. I measured 6w1d and the heartbeat, which we got to hear, was 116bpm. It was amazing.There's very tiny Caligula hanging out.
(We nickname all of them, and this time felt something less cute was appropriate - ha ha)

He showed us so much -- my closed cervix, the 2 small subchrionic hematomas I have that could bleed out (but they were small), my very large right ovary that's doing all the work -- and said that everything is looking just right. Why was I bleeding? Who knows, many women do.

He told me to take 800mg more of folic acid and a baby aspirin - that they couldn't hurt me and can only help.

I'm just so relieved and happy; we've never seen anything like this before. I'm still in disbelief.

Please cross you fingers for us

If this pregnancy lasts, there may be a lot of these. I don't want to be Peter calling Wolf but I'm scared.

I've been spotting all weekend; it started Friday night when my progesterone leakage (the suppositories leak out, sorry for the lovely visual image) was darker than the normal clear/yellow. When I woke at 4:30 a.m. to go to the bathroom, I had some red blood on my pantyliner. We were in Lake Geneva at the time, so we quickly left so I could call the doctor. On the 1-hour trip home I was waiting to cramp up but it never happened. The rest of my spotting for the weekend has been brown (mostly it's my progesterone leakage tinged brown).

The doctor on call suggested I try and get squeezed in for an appointment tomorrow (even though I have an ultrasound scheduled for Tuesday). I was hoping today the spotting would stop and that maybe I irritated my cervix but it hasn't. My miscarriages have all started with the brown spotting that would last days, sometimes 1-2 weeks, before turning red.

My only consolation at this point is that I'm not cramping, and I still have all my pregnancy symptoms.

So please think of us tomorrow, I'm hoping for an ultrasound to confirm that everything is okay.

Thanksgiving

My mom hosted Thanksgiving this year, which I realized was her first time ever to make the official turkey, and it was GOOD. Needless to say, the table was plentiful and everyone complained that there was too much food. At least I didn't contribute to that because I was supposed to make 6 dishes and I ended up only doing 4 -- cranberry sauce (à la Dore Greenspan); Lentil salad with walnuts, pomegranates, and celery; maple butternut squash soup; and apple cider donut bread pudding.

1st u/s visit, 5w

I called this morning to schedule my first u/s, and they had an 11AM appointment that I scooped right up. And they even managed to squeeze in the doctor afterward. Matt was at work so I brought my mom along (no convincing needed, she was there before I finished my sentence).

So ... we have a yolk sac!!!!!

That's my uterus! The large black thing is the gestational sac.
The small thing I circles is the yolk sac.

Last month when I went for an u/s, we only saw a gestational sac (that was measuring 5.5w - 1 week behind schedule) and nothing was inside, although we should have seen a yolk sac.

This time, we saw it clearly and the tech was super happy for me (same girl I had last time); I asked, "We didn't see that last time did we?" And she said, "Nope. This is good. This is exactly what we should be seeing at 5weeks." And the doctor confirmed that I am measuring exactly where I should be, even though this is still painfully early.

She said she wants to have me come back for my official OB visit at 7weeks, but that if I wanted another u/s next week, I can get squeezed in. I think I'll go. Who doesn't love the trans-vaginal ultrasound?

I won!

Matt's family plays this game called Silly Underdogs from one of the Nashville radio stations. You pick 3 underdogs who you believe will win their football game and if you guess right, you get points. This is like our 5th year playing, I'm usually last place.


This year I had a different strategy, picking schools that started with ABC, BIG, DUM... you get the picture. This week I picked HCG because that's been on my mind. Hawaii, Georgia, and NC State (because there was no school that started with C). And guess what ... I won! Out of all the people who played this week I got the most points. This is insane because I probably take this the least seriously of anyone -- I mean, look at my tie breaker score: 5-2, I don't think those are even possible in football? Matt and I couldn't stop laughing all morning.

Matt said, "Look, this baby is bringing us luck already!"

Now look what I won -- a tailgate party for 10 people! Now I wonder if they could ship that food up here?

HcG values and websites

I found this website where you can punch in your beta #s and see a chart.

Because I miscarried last month, I'm not 100% sure how far along I am. The only thing I know for sure is that I have a 3-day window in which we could have conceived and so I could have been either 16, 17 or 18 dpo when I took my last beta. The chart above is for 18dpo which puts me slightly higher than the average high (if I did 16dpo, I would have been way high). So I could conceivably be 5weeks today.

Another website, betabase.info, tells you how fast you are doubling. It's all good info for the paranoid person, like me, to mull over 12 hours a day.

I need to stop thinking about all this ... is it normal to have this consume my existence?

Lighting the Tree

After the good test results, we felt like some holiday cheer, so Matt and I went to see Santa light the tree in Glen Ellyn. The fire truck helps hoist Santa up high while everyone cheers down below. Music plays as he lights the tree marking the start of the holiday season.

We were hoping Sanata would dive into the crowd, but, eh, you can't get everything you want ;)

Afterwards, all the shops are open handing out cookies and hot cocoa, carolers are singing, and a living nativity scene (with barn animals) is... well, living. Kids were out, everyone was happy. It was a nice night.

3rd HcG test - 1710!

I called the doctor for my 3rd beta test results from Wednesday and they are 1710! So they more than doubled from Monday, which was 681.

My progesterone count remained about the same, 15.6, up from 15.1 last Friday. But my doctor did not seem concerned as I am on the progesterone supplements. Anything above 15 is good for pregnancy, she said. Nevertheless, I wish it had risen significantly. She was more concerned with my HcG count doubling.

But the other good news is that with my beta count so high, I can schedule an ultrasound for next week (5weeks) instead of waiting until 6weeks.

Please continue to keep me in your thoughts!

Thankful

I got my blood drawn again tonight and when I left I threw my arms up and cried, "I have a four day weekend from this all!"

I don't like to get my blood drawn. ---- It's a production: Matt has to come with me. I have to become BFFs** with the phlebotomist. I stand around getting my arms warmed up. Then I close my eyes, tap my feet, and have an out of body experience. (Seriously, I've achieved meditation status that gurus dream of.) Then I leave holding my arm, coatless into the frigid night air.

As tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I am thankful to be done beta testing for now. I am thankful I have a super supportive husband to hold my hand and bring me my progesterone suppositories in the morning. I'm thankful to be pregnant again. I'm thankful tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I have family to share it with (and listen to my pregnancy stories so far).

Happy Thanksgiving!

** BFF: Best Friends Forever - and I'm serious. When my last phlebotomist Cheryl told me she was leaving, we were both so sad (well, I was) and we had to hug.

2nd Beta test - 681

The results of my 2nd beta (HcG count) is 681 @ 4weeks exactly. (They are going to go by the day I miscarried as my LMP*).

HcG is supposed to double every 48 hours in early pregnancy. At this rate, I am doubling every 32.5 hours, so I am very happy. However, I had tripling numbers last time and 1 week later the gestational sac stopped growing.

I had to request another blood test tomorrow to ensure continued increase, as well as get another progesterone count. I don't want to have to battle the nurses every time they call, but I'd like to see more urgency. For instance, she told me" numbers are good, come in at 8 weeks." I had to remind her that I have never gotten past 8 weeks... ugh.

Also, I just added a sidebar of our TTC** Timeline in case anyone (the 3 people who read my blog:-) are interested.

*LMP: Last menstrual period
**TTC: Trying to Conceive

Surprise!

This was as much a shock to me as it was to Matt...

I guess it is possible to get pregnant between the time you miscarry and your next period ... if you're not careful. We're very happy, but we're being very cautious. I am only posting this on my blog because I told myself that since I started posting about my most recent miscarriage, the cat's out of the bag and I'd like to continue to be open about this.

In fact, I feel so much better already knowing I don't have to keep this a secret.

These home pregnancy test were taken last Friday morning when I was -- as far as I know -- 3w4d along (or 11dpo**). Very early indeed. That same day I started on my progesterone supplements and got my first quants*** done.

Results -- 147 HcG -- 15.1 progesterone

I went for my second bloodwork tonight (Monday - 4w or 14dpo); please cross fingers, toes, eyes that they are going up, up, up!


**dpo: days past ovulation
*** quants: quantitative tests, include counting the amount of HcG in your blood which should double every 48 hours.

Is there a place for gold-plated babies?

I watched this show on We called Platinum Babies. Have you seen it? It's kind of like TLC's A Baby Story except ... you don't see the actual delivery and the people are rich and better looking.

I watched 2 episodes back-to-back -- 1 was a older man/younger woman situation in CA; the other were Eco-snobs in NYC.

I learned that it sucks to be the average person. When you have money, the hospital staff pretty much bend down and kiss your $@^ every step of the way. You get the best rooms, the best Post-partum room, and the nicest nurses, and the best equipment. "It was like a hotel," she cooed, "I didn't want to go home."

Here's was something else I learned. After you have the baby, your husband should surprise you with a Push Present. "Thanks to my young hot wife for pushing my baby out! Here's some bling." GAG. I don't need to be "bought" - how about being a super supportive husband, both emotionally and physically, through it all.

Finally I learned that people who have money don't go to the Park District (like me!). The NYC couple belonged to this posh place, like a spa/health club that also had an organic cafe and kids areas. I have to admit that I was pretty "eco" green with envy; if only I had a spare $3600 lying around?

Will I be watching this again? Nah. I need to see real people.

Toxins … everywhere

I was reading one of my library books on how to have a greener, safer home. Sometimes, I wonder if it's not better to stop reading and live my life, toxins, cancer-causing agents, and all?

• Parabens in my shampoo and soaps … these mimic estrogen and can cause cancer
• Triclosan in toothpastes … this is an antibacterial substance

Determined to be as "au natural" as possible, I've switched to Tom's of Maine toothpaste (I had a free sample to get me started – basically tastes like baking soda rather than fresh minti-ness), and I checked all my soaps for parabens so now I'm only using paraben-free stuff. Anything else I need to worry about?

Calling all "Cook's"

Last night, my mom and I went to a book signing/talk of the executive editor of Cook's Illustrated, Jack Bishop.

You've probably seen this magazine at the check-out line of Whole Foods; it's the one with no photos in it, the one that looks like it's made for people who really want to learn how to cook. My mom's a subscriber, and one of their gazillion "real-people" testers**, so we had to go see him. I, of course, have no idea who he is, but I like Barbara's Bookstore and my mom needed a driver, so I was recruited.

Actually, it was fun and he gave some great anecdotes about recipe testing, the rigueur it goes through before it makes it into the magazine (or on the TV show). One of the funniest things was when he read reviews of recipes from some "real-people" testers. Everyone knows that cook's change recipes, or use different ingredients, so he read these comment cards where someone changed almost everything about the recipe and then declares, "It was delicious!"

**real-people testers – you can sign up on their website to test recipes. When they have a recipe to test (after it's gone through all their shenanigans), they email it out to 2,000 people looking for feedback. Sound like fun?

Unforgetable quotes

"What are you? Half man half woman?"
--my dad, when I was at their house helping mulch leaves yesterday with the blower.

A year ago today

I found out I was pregnant for the first time. It was Matt's birthday gift. His parents were visiting us that weekend so we were sneaking around taking the pregnancy test, sleeping in the spare bedroom, whispering about the house, smiling whenever we looked at each other. It was all very funny and endearing as I look back on it. The due date would have been this past July ... I hated July this year.

A Birthday for Matt

Matt's 36!!Hiya Sexy!

We did everything Matt wanted to do ... Friday night we had dinner at his favorite restaurant Adelle's. Saturday morning, we woke up at 7 a.m. and went for a 3 mile power walk (Matt had a hard time keeping up with my Olympic speed walking), followed by breakfast at his favorite b-fast spot Honey. After that, Matt balanced our very overdue checkbook (5 months worth - and yes, this was something he wanted to do on his birthday!). Then we went to see Paranormal Activity at the York, before heading to my mom's for my brother's birthday party. (note: my brother, my dad and my husband are all born on practically the same date!)

Birthday Party pictures: click here.

Matt and my brother both got cake and presents last night.

Uncomfortable on the Train

Last night on the way home from work, I unintentionally sat next to a very pregnant woman on the train. When I looked over and saw her protruding belly, my heart sank. Are pregnant people coming out of the woodwork on purpose to taunt me? As I was trying to concentrate on my book, she kept rubbing her belly.

I realized then and there that I could go on hating all people who are fertile, or I can (as Matt and I have discussed) paint a different picture. Maybe that person is pregnant after years of trying, after many miscarriages, after medical assistance. I have no idea what their story is, and maybe it's one of hope.

So as I watched her rub her belly because she had no where else to put her arm, shift her weight forwards and back trying to get in a comfortable position, legs looking somewhat swollen, I wasn't too sure if I was envious of her.

Churrrrros! @ Xoco

Last Saturday we woke up and decided we needed to grab breakfast in the not-so-usual spot (our favorite cafe a stone's throw from our house where they all know us).

We decided on Nola's Cup, an Oak Park corner joint that we've gone to a few times (but would be there constantly if we lived in the area). We love their beignets and pain perdu, and they always made excellent coffee. As we approached the corner, the place was closed, a for sale sign in front (I found out they closed over the summer). What could wipe the frown off our faces?

We jumped back on the expressway and headed downtown to Xoco -- Rick Bayless' new place (yes, we did just go to Topolobampo a week before, but who could resist more Mexican food... for breakfast). There was no traffic there and we lucked out with parking a block away -- so we decided we need to come here every Saturday! There was also no line, and a few open places to sit (we arrived about 9:30 a.m.); we sat a long the wall at the high bar.



Matt and I have different styles when we go to a new place. I like to order a lot (to try everything in case we can't go back or it closes), Matt likes to wait for me to order something for myself and then says, "Let's split that." It drives me up a wall (in that "good, we've been married for 6 years" way) so then I counter-act it with, "Let's try this too." And what we end up ordering is just the perfect amount. (We balance each other out).

So when I ordered my poblano empanada and he wanted to split it -- I added in the breakfast torta (and good thing because they were on the smaller side). In the end we ordered: poblano empanada, breakfast torta, churros, and 2 Aztec hot chocolates.
The churros came out first, along with the hot chocolate. The HC was spicy at first but then mellowed, and the churros were fried perfection, sweet and cinnamon-y. I dipped them in the HC and the crispy outside sucked in the HC as if they were meant to be together. We went back for another order to-go.


Then came the savories. The empanada filling and pastry was delicious ( I haven't had an empanada since I was in Buenos Aires in 2000). Savory and spicy all together in a cute package that was easy to eat. The torta was a little less successful to eat, only because it was on this huge piece of bread, covered with jalapeno (hot!), salsa, beans, and a poached egg. When the egg broke, it was really delicious but messy; we didn't realize there were utensils on the counter, so we tried to eat this with our hands. The very refined gentleman to my right probably thought we were crazy slobs.



Neither item was very large, and while Matt and I left happy (with our to-go of churros), I could have eaten more (like I want my own empanada next time, Matt, no more splitting). Next time I also want to try the almond hot chocolate and go for lunch to try and soups and sandwiches.

Anyone want to join us?

Bathroom countertop ordered

UPDATE: This never gets easier does it? My dad came over this morning to check the plumbing (before we install countertop). He wants to A) remove the wall to check out the insulation (we had these pipes freeze last year), and B) put in a new floor. This can't all happen before Friday morning, so we'll have to make the counter people do a semi-install, so we can remove the cabinet to put in a new floor... sigh.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Next March, we will celebrate 5 years in our home. When we first moved in, I secretly had my 5-year plan for the house, hoping to get all the interior remodeled in 5 years. We're almost there!

Back in the upstairs bathroom, we were still in need of a countertop. We were going to make do with the existing one but ... we already bought a new sink and the counter looks bad since we never covered it during any of the remodel.

So we found a local place that sells remnants for not just granite, but also quartz and we selected our bathroom countertop for $400 cheaper than our original quote for non-remnant. It should get installed next weekend around Matt's birthday! The only goofy thing with remnants is that you have to go looking through pieces for the right size and color, and then tagging it with your name (and they are big and can't really be moved).

Bathroom so far

In the meanwhile, we got a new shower curtain and rod (a curved one like at the Westin Hotels I used to stay at when traveling, it gives you like 6 inches more room, it feels so spacious), a new towel holder, and I got some photos of mine framed and hung.

While we're waiting for the counter, I'm hoping we can get our new doors and trim, and then we'll be D-O-N-E.

Topolobampo

Sorry it's taken me so long to post these pictures of our Topolobampo evening!

Matt surprised me with these reservations (for Oct 22) over 2 months ago. Who knew what those months had in store for us. I really wanted to go in a slightly better "mood," but on the plus side I could drink (although, I would trade all the alcohol and caffeine for, well you know.) We decided to go big that night and instead of order off the menu, we did the Chef's Tasting menus. I did the Top Chef Tasting menu, and Matt did the Adventurous Menu along with the wine flights. The Top Chef menu will be available until November 14th, but from what I heard you can't get a reservation before that so I felt that I had to try this out. I also opted for 2 mojitos instead of wine, and Matt started with the Blue Curacao margarita. Here's the line up of plates:

First course:

Mine -- hickory-smoked quail with Hickory House barbeque sauce, Iroquois cornbread croutons, spicy watermelon salad, roasted garlic slaw, chile threads. I thought this was delicious. I felt bad for the little quail with the tiny legs I was eating, but the sauce and watermelon were a great contrast.

Matt's -- Hawaiian ahi tuna carpaccio and fresh Maine sea urchin with crispy tortillas, fresh lime and roasted garlic mojo. Fried leeks, avocado, sungold tomato. (Wine pairing: 2008 Sitios De Bodega "Con Class" Verdejo, Rueda, Spain). The waiter asked Matt if he ever had sea urchin. Then he said it's like eating 10 oysters. In the end Matt likened it to sucking on a barnacle on one of the Titanic's anchors. Yum! (I tried it w/o the urchin and it was delicious).

Second Course:

Mine --seared Hawaiian ahi tuna in Oaxacan black mole with plantain-filled tamal, grilled nopal salad, roasted knob onions, three nut crunch. This was my favorite. I could have drank the mole, and I just love seared tuna (must be raw in the middle!)

Matt's -- "Popcorn" sweetbreads with green pumpkinseed mole. Roasted local turnip, fried plantain, Bayless Garden microgreens. (Wine pairing: 2008 Brander "Cuvee Natalie" Santa Ynez Valley, California) Matt made me taste this. I thought the flavors were good but the idea of sweetbreads made my mouth unhappy.

Third course:

Mine -- black rice "a la tumbada" with Maine lobster, tender squid, PEI mussels, grilled octopus and homemade chorizo in fresh tomato-jalapeno broth. Pickled vegetables, prosciutto pearls.

All of this was good, except that the sauce was very fishy (at least for me, I'm not used to eating a lot of shellfish). The mussel was inedible. I had to drink 2 glasses of water to get the ocean out of my mouth.

Matt's -- Pan-seared halibut cheeks with creamy squash blossom sauce. Fresh shell black beans, garlicky "wilted" spinach, Oaxacan string cheese, tortilla crunch. (Wine pairing: 2006 Vincent Giradin Mersault "Les Narvaux" Cote D'Or, France) Now Matt wasn't crazy about this, but I loved the buttery-ness of it and the pairing wine.

Fourth Course:

Mine -- overnight-braised Maple Creek Farm suckling pig "pibil" with crispy pig's foot, sour orange jellies, habanero-pickled onions, sunchoke pudding.

OKAY. Pig's foot is not something I eat. And if it were off the plate, this would have been my favorite thing ever.

Matt's -- Rich, red chile-and-epazote broth with 72-hour-braised Tallgrass short rib. Corn masa dumplings (chochoyotes), xoconostle (sour prickly pear) green peas, chayote. (Wine pairing: 1997 Terreno Chianti Classico Riserva, Tuscany, Italy)

Matt didn't have a lot to say about this, and the piece he gave me was all fat.

Note: We have no pictures of this course because we started talking to a really nice couple next to us and completely forgot.

Fifth Course:

Mine -- Warm, caramelized tart of camote morado (Mexico's native white sweet potato). Buttery garnet yam swoosh, spiced walnut ice cream, toasted homemade marshmallow fluff, tangy caramel sauce. I had to pace myself by the time we got to dessert, but there was no way I wasn't going to finish this entire thing as it was delicious! I could eat it over and over again.

Matt's -- Warm, nutty mesquite-bean cake with cajeta (goats milk caramel). Negra Modelo-poached Klug Farm pears and apples, dark beer chocolate. (Wine pairing: NV Campbells Rutherglen Tokay, Victoria, Australia). Matt really liked his dessert (which I was glad because I didn't). I was happy eating mine. YUM!

2010

Early pregnancy and miscarriage really eats up a lot of time. It's hard to believe that if Matt and I conceive as soon as possible, there's a 3 month gap in due dates. The last time, we heeded my doctor's advice which was to go through three period cycles. We did that and got pregnant the very next month ... 6 months had elapsed in due date (from Jan 2010 to June 2010). This time, I feel I can't afford to wait. I may be setting myself up for another heart break, but I can't get 2010 out of my mind. I have until March to conceive. Can anyone say pressure?

In some ways I feel like I am going out of my mind, in other ways I feel like I need an anti-depressant. But my mom said I don't need an anti-depressant because I leave my house and look forward to doing things. I dunno. I'm sitting at my desk right now at work -- and even though I'm lucky enough to have a cubicle right next to the window, light streaming in -- I think I could use an upper. Can't we all?

I just feel so positive about the next time. Hey, if I can't have hope, what else is there?

Another loss

This isn't usually something I've talked about on my blog ... in the beginning it seemed too personal, and somewhat taboo. But after time, it feels somewhat incomplete if I don't say what's happening and share.

As most everyone knows, Matt and I have been trying to conceive for over a year. Getting pregnant doesn't seem to be a problem for us .. but the staying pregnant does. I've had two miscarriages so far, and am currently waiting for the 3rd one to happen. It's very bittersweet, there's nothing as exciting as getting that positive test with your hubbie waiting outside the bathroom door with baited breath, some weeks of anxiety and euphoria, only to be crushed way too soon.

My miscarriage in June took me a long time to recover. I was approaching my 8th week, but chances are the pregnancy stopped some time before that. However, I felt that this was it, so the loss was devastatingly hard for Matt and I. Matt was very supportive -- how do you grieve when your wife cries herself to bed every night. My summer was a blur.

This time, I was at the doctor getting my lab tests within moments of a positive home test. Everything was looking great - my HcG was doubling (actually tripling) and my progesterone started off at a good number. I was scheduled for a 6w ultrasound. That u/s showed the baby stopped growing a week before, but to confirm I needed more progesterone tests (very low, needed supplements) and had to wait a week for another u/s. It was our longest week, and it consumed Matt and I, but I think we knew how it was going to end.

So now I wait for my body to miscarry. The other times it happened spontaneously since we weren't tracking it so closely. I'm not sure what's harder -- thinking your pregnant and losing it or knowing earlier on and waiting. I guess I'll let you know.

So what's next, you might ask. The doctor ordered Matt and I chromosome tests, and I will be on progesterone from Day 1 the next time. Since our miscarriages have been so early, chromosomes tend to be the main culprit, so we'll see if Matt and I are carriers for something.

Otherwise, we try again.

Looking positive ... this has really brought Matt and I closer in a different way. He's been there for me every (literal) step, and his presence means more to me than anything. I'm always saying, "I've got Matt, I'll be okay."

Thanks for listening ... in some ways this is rather therapeutic.

Milwaukee & Meatloaf

We were supposed to be in Newport, Rhode Island this weekend for a wedding (Matt's fraternity brother), but circumstances (to be discussed later) led to us having to cancel. I am so bummed because we found this cute B&B in Newport and the wedding looked like it was taking place in a beautiful church and botanical garden. Matt and I were really looking forward to this little jaunt (and I had my new Coach shoes to wear and everything). Oh well. Our plane tickets are good for a yea, and we only lost 1 night's worth of money at the B&B.

So we kept our vacation days and went to Milwaukee yesterday instead; we spent the day at the Milwaukee Art Museum (and had I known you could take no-flash photography, I would have snapped a lot more photos) and saw the Andy Warhol Exhibit. Then we had lunch at the Comet Cafe (we saw it on Diner's Drive-Ins, and Dives on FoodNetwork and thought it looked cool). I had the mile high meatloaf sandwich, and Matt had the compact Turkey dinner. It was all very good (read: fattening). Plus we got 2 cupcakes for dessert (to be eaten much later of course).

A Wedding @ 66 stories high

My cousin got married this weekend and her reception was on the 66th floor of the Sears Tower (Metropolitan Club).She's my cousin because ... her grandfather and my grandmother are first cousins. Hey, we're Italian and family is family -- we're all cousins! Plus her dad was my orthodontist, and I used to watch her and her sister (I'm 6 yrs older) when we used to visit the family years and years ago. Funny how you remember those things. When I saw her in her gown I thought of how we would play in her grandma's basement and how her sister stood at the curb crying one time when I had to leave.

It was so cool to be downtown all dressed up, going through security check, and then 66 flights up, up. up, up.

Bathroom/ Hallway Update

Since coming home from vacation, our intention of getting everything we started in the house done has just fallen to pieces. Fallen is a key word here.

**Matt did stain the rest of the staircase and it looks great despite it being different kinds of wood. Now we just need to get a nice coat of polyurethane on it.

**Our bathroom got a new low-flow toilet put in – and it's comfort height so talk about sitting on a throne. All we need now to moe forward is a countertop. We had high hopes on a good price from a friend of my parents, but his supplier isn't calling us back (I guess the economy isn't that bad), so we went to Home Depot and they want close to $1000. Matt and I said, "Thanks, but no thanks." So now we're going to try a place that sells remnants.

**Finally, we needed to finish painting the hallway. We needed a second coat on most of it and we can't even reach some of the walls without a ladder or – as my dad told us to do – scaffolding. I was on a roll last Sunday painting until I got too close to the edge of the stairs, crouched down with the roller in my hand, when I lost my balance and tumbled down the stairs head first (well, head into the wall first). I did a 360 down the stairs hitting every possible part of my body. Luckily Matt was right there and he ran to me screaming to make sure I was still alive; I was so badly bruised I was layed up for the rest of the day with ice everywhere..

I guess things just don't want to get done around here…

No Olympics in Chicago ...

I love the Olympics. From when I was very young, my mom got us all excited about it and we would curl up in front of the TV every night to watch the opening ceremonies, events, and stories of the athletes and the host cities. I would always envision I was one of the skaters or gymnasts, imagining the routines in my head and the cheers from the crowds.

When my mom told me that the kids in the host city got to help out and didn't have to go to school, I was flabbergasted. I wanted to know why our small suburban town couldn't host the winter games. My mom looked at me rationally and said, "You need places to ski and ice skate to have a winter games, honey."

Never one to shy away from a challenge, I clearly pointed out to her the excellent hill by the Post Office where we used to sled, and the pond where we would go ice skating. To a six year old, those were clearly obvious and ideal places for athletes to show their stuff. My mom had to set me straight, whether I agreed or not, there would be no Olympics in our town.

So when Mayor Daley started this campaign for the Olympics, I was incredulous. But it was the summer games, and if Atlanta could pull it off, we could too. I'll be honest, I wasn't one of the Olympic die-hards rallying for the 2016 games - traffic, taxes, crowds... But every time I would see it I would feel a twinge of excitement -- regardless of the fact I was no longer in school and wouldn't get any time off.

But I thought, maybe, just maybe, we would get it and how fun would it be to bring my kid to the games, and tell them this was about 40 years in the making.

Alas, it wasn't meant to be. I can't explain why I'm saddened, but I feel for Chicago as if she were that Olympic athlete, the one who gives it her all, but doesn't win. I'm saddened for the child in me that innocently thought Alberto Tomba could race down that Post Office hill.

Maybe in another 40 years, Chicago will try again, and win. And I can bring the grandkids.

Last day on St. Simon's Island

The last day of any vacation is always the most laid back. By this time you're tired, maybe sun-burnt, and you just don't feel like doing much.

Our plan for today was to rent bicycles, but -- as I mentioned before -- who wants to do stuff on your last day. That's why I always make sure to see most everything on the To Do list right away, then the rest of the time we can relax and that last day can be spent at the pool.

Our last day started with coffee at our coffeehouse and then over to the Glynn Art Association -- a non for profit art gallery for locals. One of our habits has been to purchase local art when we're on vacation; last October in Door County we bought pottery and good places to go are these non for profit galleries. We found 2 paintings we really liked (one of the artists was actually from our neck of the woods) but we needed to swim on it. So we had our daily hike on the beach, and daily swim in the pool, before heading back. Once there we found another painting that was just dropped off and we fell in love. Problem is that we can't take it back on the plane, so Matt's parents will take it to Nashville, and somehow it'll find it's way to our house!

Today at the pool, we met a woman we've seen all week and we finally talked. She's been coming to this condo for 20 years and loves it. In fact a whole group of people (that we saw and thought were family) come to this condo every year on the same week, so they've sort of "friended" each other. I agree that this week (the 2nd week in September) is one of the best -- the weather is perfect and there's not a lot of people. She gave us some tips on restaurants and places not to stay. Then we talked about our cats ;)

This evening, Matt and I had dinner at CrabDaddy's (me the crab cake, Matt the blackened shrimp) while his parents had a romantic dinner alone at Blackwater Grill.

Now we're all packed and sitting our last time on the balcony, waves crashing louder than ever before, a beautiful breeze keeping us cool.

Savannah morning

Waking up this morning, looking out of the windows at the Savannah rooftops, was surreal. It was 7 a.m. and the sky was still pink.

After coffee in their kitchen, with the dog at our feet and the cat in the sink, and a look at their adopted turtle who ambled into Preston's art studio, we went for a guided tour of the city. It was nice walking the streets with someone who knew where they were going, being tugged by a dog, maybe that lessened the touristy look we all had as we followed like dutiful soldiers.

We saw some of the prominant homes, and the famous cemetary, which I learned that when a cemetary's closed, it means no one can be buried there. This one's been closed since 1850; funny, because it didn't look crowded. The sign at entry said pets on leash; Gaston the dog went running ahead. I guess that meant as long as a leash was trailing behind, it was alright. And when he decided to take his morning constitution on someone's 150 year old grave, I just pretended I didn't see it. No one else seemed to mind!

Also on the tour was the Green-Meldrim House. It was closed. That didn't seem to matter, Preston knew where the back door was and asked the girl there to show us the parlor; which she did and then continued to show us the whole house which was kind on both their parts, and much appreciated.

Our final stop was one of the galleries where his art is displayed. The gallery owner was nice to show us around and he has the most beautiful courtyard in the back, in addition to some really beautiful and expensive art for sale. I saw an oil of an Alsace town in the snow somewhere in the several thousand dollar range. But all the same, it was impressive.

We didn't want to outstay our welcome, so around 10 a.m. we were on our way having greatly enjoyed our 19 hours in Savannah.

It was a cool, cloudy afternoon when we returned to St. Simon's and we were ravenous for lunch. Southern Soul BBQ is on a roundabout in the center of the island and it hit the spot. 2 smokers sit out front between 2 wood picnic tables and logs of wood. It has a sort of "side of the road" look, without being really on the side of the road -- more like the busiest intersection on the island. The pulled pork sandwiches (big thick pieces of pork) and sauces (sweet, mustard, tangy) were delicious, and Matt and I got sides of mac & cheese and BBQ beans. After that, who could eat dinner?

A long walk on the beach (we walked all the way to the Lighthouse via the beach, and almost got caught coming back with high tide -- it's not fun to walk around barnacle-covered rocks, trying to decipher the clear areas between tides) and laying out by pool rounded out the evening.

Tomorrow's our last day ...

Savannah

Yesterday we went to Savannah.

Savannah is about 70+ miles north of St. Simon's, so it was only about 1-1/2 hour drive to get there. Matt and I were last in Savannah six years ago on our honeymoon. It was so nice to be back -- still married --and see our B&B and the places we walked as "mooney-eyed" newlyweds (and now as a true married couple). I have a feeling this will not be our last trip to this wonderful city.

Obviously the main reason we went was to visit my mother-in-law's cousin, Preston, who's an artist in Savannah, and his wife. He does oil paintings of Savannah, Charleston, and the low country, all of which I thought were genuine "slices of life" and very thoughtful. He has a beautiful house in downtown Savannah that is filled with art -- both paintings and objets from their many travels -- as well as books and collections and a 140 lb brown labrador. It was a mini-museum and very memorable.

After family talks and cocktails, we went to eat at Garibaldi's -- a well-known Savannah restaurant that he has painted. The upstairs was like a European courtyard and as the lights got dim, the candles on the table flickered. I ordered the crsipy flounder (like 6 years ago) with an apricot glaze. It is such a delicious dish that I had to order it again (it will become my Savannah dish). The coctail du jour was definitely the mojito (not that I had one; I didn't need to become "fun bobby" and fall down the stairs), but I did taste my father-in-law's and they were really excellent and fresh.

We spent the night at their house -- it's 4 floors (don't worry, there's an elevator) and we stayed on the top floor which had 3 bedrooms, a bath, and a sitting area. They said they host a lot of exchange students and this is probably where they stay. If I were an exchange student, I would request to stay with there because it was so comfortable. Matt and I shared a king-size bed, and we still found ourselves huddled close in the middle.

I'll write about today (it's not over yet) tonight.

Adieu.

Forts & Fish

Another day at the beach ... are you bored with my daily updates yet?? Matt brought his laptop and the condo place has free wi-fi so my nightly ritual has been sitting on the balcony, listening to the lapping waves, typing away. Life is sweet... at least this week is.

St. Simon's island has a lot of history dating back to the early 1700's -- pre-dating the Revolutionary War. James Oglethorpe, a british soldier who founded Georgia, built a Fort on the Island (Fort Frederica) to stave off the Spanish who were in St. Augustine, FL. Everywhere on this island is something with the name Oglethorpe. I told Matt, "This man's really milking it, isn't he?"

Fort Frederica is now a National Park and an archeological site. The Fort attracted many settlers who turned it into a town -- the remains of which are layed out and marked. You can walk the "streets" and see the remains of all the homes and learn about the people who lived there; it was one of the most interesting historical sites I've seen. The town/fort was only occupied for about 20 years so everything found at the site dates from 1730's-1740's.

Our next stop was Christ Church, one of the oldest Episcopal churches in the nation and, I believe, the birthplace of the Episcopal Church in the US. The church was closed but the massive burial grounds surrounding it were open. Tombs from as early as the early 1800's were there, and I found myself getting sad as I saw so many tombstones of little children. I can't imagine what a hard life it must have been.

This evening, we all went out to dinner to Georgia Sea Grill in the Village (the closest area of shops and restaurants) where we had a wonderful fish dinner. I had the snapper picata, Matt & his dad had grouper with horsradish, and Matt's mom had scallops & oysters. We had fried oysters for appetizers and for dessert a coconut chocolate pie. We couldn't get over how good and fresh the food was.

Tomorrow we're off to Savannah to visit and stay with Matt's mom's cousin. I may not have internet access there.

Until tomorrow.

Jekyll Island

How does Operation skinny work on vacation?? The exercise room! I went down there last night around 9PM and actually ran 1 mile. When I was training for the 5K earlier this year, it took me forever to work up to that point, and it didn't last long. I guess all this exercise has built up my stamina without me even realizing it. It felt great!

So I was all pepped and ready this morning, Matt and I walked along the beach and then through town to the Lighthouse. But then we were so tired (and hot) that we had to call Matt's mom to come pick us up!

The sun was out all day today so we got in some pool time and then Matt and I headed to see Jekyll Island. There's not much to see but the remains of the first settler's house and an old cemetary. Then there's the old, majestic Jekyll Club started by the millionaires who bought the island from this French family in the 1800's. Some of the original homes were still there. The 2 restaurants on the wharf were closed on Monday, and the beach was at high tide. But we walked around the Club and tried to get into one of the old mansions -- which I figured would be open to visitors, but was locked and Matt said someone was looking at us from one of the windows. Oh well.

For dinner, Matt and I went to Blackwater Grill which is by far the best thing we've eaten on the island. We split 4 appetizers to taste a bit of everything: fried green tomatoes, shrimp & grits, andouille sausage corn dogs, and their own specialty -- a combo of corn bread, brunswick stew, & cole slaw that they call the Blackwater Sundae (served in a sundae glass). Excellent food, highly recommended!

We're off to open mic night at the coffee house.

What's on the agenda for tomorrow???

We've arrived in Georgia!

How do you get to St. Simon's island from Chicago?

We took Southwest Airlines to Jacksonville, FL via Birmingham, AL (but we didn't have to exit the plane). We got to Jacksonville 1 hour late (fog in Chicago delayed our flight an hour and a half), and was greeted promptly by Matt's parents. Then the drive north was only about 45 minutes.

Our condo - the Beach Club - is really nice. We have a pretty 2-bedroom condo that faces the pool and the ocean, and the dining room has a wall of mirrors - perfect for looking at myself every time I walk past ;) The resort is on a beautiful stretch of beach that at low tide is like a mile-deep; at high tide, it's an inch wide. It's also only about a 5 minute drive to the nearest hub of restaurants and shops.

So far, of what we've seen, the island is cute and quaint. The homes are small bungalows and the streets are lined with huge trees full of spanish moss. It's really lovely.

Last night we ate at Mullet Bay (?) -- we got a sweet table on the outside porch where we could enjoy the very loud cicadas. Our only complaint was the very old beer Matt's dad was served (but was quickly replaced with a draft). They had good coconut shrimp and excellent hushpuppies ($1.95 for 10).

Today we did a little shopping with Matt's mom in the morning, and then read by the pool & swam in the ocean this afternoon. Dolphins were pretty active around 4PM. Matt was trying to drag we out into the ocean to get a better look -- I'll admit I'm scared of the water-- but I was pretty brave and went out a bit (waves crashing into me), but Matt wasn't impressed! Tonight, we ate at Barbara Jean's - a southern style place. Everyone loved their grits (even me). I had a delicious crabcake, and Matt got the shrimp & grits. We left with 4 boxes of leftovers and keylime pie to go.

Before we left though we needed coffee (of course to go with the pie), and we found this cute coffee house/pub with live music. The owner was super nice and Matt got Magic Hat on draft (in addition to coffee). Tomorrow night is open mic - I will not be singing!

I wish I could post pictures as we go along, but I forgot my USB cord.

Operation Skinny responds back

My cousin Natalie commented about my Operation Skinny with a ton of good information. I just want to respond to show that I care ... ;)

Natalie says: instead of fruit for breakfast (its all water and sugar basically and it actually burns off pretty fast) add the fruit to some kind of carb like whole wheat toast or waffles or, my fave, Kashi cereal.

Rosey response: It's okay for it to burn off fast because I'm pretty sedentary in the mornings (train rides and office chair). And Gillian (my guru of "You are what you Eat' on the BBC), promotes eating fruit alone because paired with other things it can cause digestive issues (gas, bloating). But I agree that a good morning for me would be to have my tea, then a piece of fruit, wait 1 hour and have a kashi cereal (I've done this before, mostly when I'm home though).

Natalie says: I just read a study that said that women who eat a huge breakfast actually lose more weight than those who eat a bigger other meal.

Rosey response: Totally agree, because it fills you up. It just doesn't work with my schedule. But I would never forgo breakfast because then I'm starving for lunch.

Natalie says: And then the other day I read a study that exercise is actually detrimental to weight loss because it makes you hungrier...sigh

Rosey response:  I've read that too! Before, I used to work out before lunch, and then I was ravenous.  Now that I have a big lunch and work out before dinner, it's MUCH better. Plus I'm adding in more weight training now too.

Natalie says: You should get into swimming! When you have a little baby in you I hear it's one of the best exercises because there's no pressure on joints.

Rosey response: I agree! I hear it's awesome when you're preggers. When it finally happens, I'll be at the Park District pool instead of the spinning classes ;)  But I need to get healthy before I get pregnant!!

Operation Skinny

I'm sure it was a little bit of everything ... the broken toe that kept me from exercising for 10 weeks, the hormonal fluxuations and emotions, and finally, the increased cheeseburger intake.  It creeps up doesn't it? One day, you just can't fit into your jeans.

So in mid-July,  I put myself into the doghouse,  I enrolled in classes at the Park District, and I started tallying my food/fat/calories intake on dailyburn -- otherwise known as Operation Skinny.  Then about 2 weeks ago, I started back on a modified "Gillian" regime (dandelion tea remember?).

So how's the progress?

After 8 weeks of working out, I'm getting muscle.  Matt says I have new definition in my calves, and I feel like the hulk -- my arms have never been this muscular. In my 1-hour kickboxing class, I can push harder than before. And I've also started spinning classes and weight classes in addition to Zumba and kickbox. I'm trying to get in at least 4 classes a week, as well as abdominal work at home at night, and riding my bike with Matt. My goal for the next 4 weeks is to solidly get 4 classes in:  1 spin, 1 kickbox, 1 weight class, and 1 extra.

After 2 weeks on Gillian, my pants are fitting better and my muffin top is less muffin-y.  My goal with a modified Gillian is: 1) the healthy teas (dandelion, nettle, peppermint); 2) fruit only breakfast (and/or yogurt) - no pastries;  3) lunch should be my most caloric/fat meal of the day since I have time to burn it off and I need the energy for work/working out; 4) a really healthy dinner, portion control; and 5) more veggie juices (right now I have been drinking beets and cucumbers).   And I allow myself to slip, but then I have to make it up (counteract it with veggie juice or  more working out).  Watching the calories and fat on dailyburn was a huge eye-opener for me.

So there it is.  We're going on vacation next week so while there will be eating out, I'll just have to counter it with daily walks on the beach. Can't argue with that!

Six Year Anniversary

Six years ago, Matt and I got married. It was such a beautiful weekend (and still is), and I just can't believe it's been 6 years. Time flies when you spend it with your best friend.

Love you.

New Stairs Day 3

Our floor re-finisher came over this week to install new hardwood floors on the upstairs landing and stain the new stairs ... except they only do the floors. Isn't that weird?



So the banister/newel posts etc are still not stained, but here's how it looks now with the new floors. We're jazzed!

BEFORE

AFTER

And here's Matt doing what he loves ... painting!